I recently read an article that got me thinking. Not that I don’t do it often…thinking I mean. But it got me re-evaluating some assumptions I’ve been operating on.
So, I seriously thought I was a great wife. The best actually! That in any competition, I could win “Wife of the year, hands down – no competition (that is if any of the TV stations could come up with a reality show like that). I just found out that I’ve been lying to myself and that there were some things I was not doing very well.
An article on GrowthTrac.com on the subject “7 Ways to Wound Your Husband” lists some seven very subtle ways that women tend to hurt their husbands unknowingly that were very insightful.
1. Put him down in front of other people: Call it emasculate, or any other word, but some of us gals unwittingly put our husbands down in public (and in private). Most men would not counter this in public and if they eventually address it, it would be out of stored-up emotions and it will not be nice.
2. Correct him (by undoing or redoing what he does): If you’ve ever gone round the bed to tack in the bed sheets and GrowthTrac.com out the creases than you’re guilty of this. Whenever you show him how much better you are at doing the things he just finished doing, you subtly hurt your husband. By correcting him consistently, you keep on telling him he doesn’t measure up to your standards. And if there is anything that hurts a guy most, it’s hurting his ego!
3. Nag (badger, barrage, bombard, pester, etc.) him: If your husband forgets, or doesn’t do what you want him to do, you will remind him, again, and again, and again…Apart from letting him know he’s failed, this does not achieve any results.
4. Use “always” and “never” excessively: Always and never are two words that are best avoided in any relationship. When you consistently used them in reference to your husband it only helps build him into a man that always will…
5. Hold him responsible for your emotional well-being: acting as if he’s the reason you feel bad today – and every other day you feel bad puts undue pressure on him. And some of us women have a phd in making our husbands feel bad…if only to get them to apologize (for things they don’t even know they did). But remember, it hurts him.
6. Complain about what you don’t have or get to do: It could be about how you never get to take a holiday, or how it would be good to move into a bigger house, like the Anderson’s just did. Whatever it is, when you always comment on what other women have that you don’t, he carries the blame and the pain that goes with it, because he wants to be a provider and his inability to do so in your eyes is a biggie.
7. Don’t appreciate his efforts: One of the easiest ways to hurt
a guy’s…your guy’s ego is not to appreciate the efforts he makes. It could be what he thinks he does well, his work, hobby, anything…just turn a blind eye towards it and you would crash him.
Shockingly (as if), I found that I was guilty of a couple of these bad behaviours…and “forgive the insult” but if I am, then I’m sure there are a number of women too who are guilty of these.
The truth is, sometimes we tend to be less thoughtful in our marriages after a while and start taking our spouses for granted, when in fact the reverse is what should be happening.
So, I promise to pay a little more attention to some of the stuff I am not doing well and I hope you will too…
…and by the way…I have a list for the guys too (you thought I’d let you off easy…)